147: Is It Okay to Just Be...and Not Feel the Need to Fill the Space?

It's amazing how certain questions take up real estate in your mental space. Such questions are particularly relevant to the second-half, retirement era, and even if you're a few years from that point.

The questions could also apply to your life as you're approaching a new start or a life transition. Here are the questions that somehow force you to fill your mental space.

• "What's next?"
• "What are thinking about doing?
• "How are you going to handle all of your newly available time?"

I'll advocate for you, if I may, by saying, "No one, you included, should feel forced to answer those questions."

I was prompted on this theme while browsing my Instagram feed and reading a post from someone who has recently entered her early retirement phase. She was advocating for herself, and any of her readers, by affirming that one shouldn't have to be painted into the proverbial corner by someone's well-meaning, but overly curious, questions such as those mentioned above.

Her affirmation got me to thinking about the fact that it's really okay to just be, and not feel the need to fill the space.

Space that's created by retirement, a loss, financial gain—whatever's increasing your perceived, available margin—shouldn't automatically arouse yours or someone else's restlessness about your current situation.

Welcome the available space but don't feel forced to fill it with more activity— there's a better more fulfilling way to live.

If you're antsy about what do to fill the space in retirement, a season of personal renewal, or a rewarded moment between now and your next period of activity give yourself permission to do the following.

Slow down

I'm becoming more aware of the need for intentional slowness. Could be the pace of the past couple of decades that are giving me a reason to downshift and reduce the rpm's a bit.

Life defaults to a fast pace more often than not. So, take time for some practical slowness.

Follow the speed limit for a change. Come to a complete stop instead of rolling the stop sign. Choose to wait in the longer line, after all, what's the rush? Write something (by hand, using a pen), instead of putting your thumbs or your fingers on the keyboard.

Pastor and author, John Ortberg defines slowing as,

"Cultivating patience by deliberately choosing to place ourselves in positions where we simply have to wait."1

Author John Mark Comer adds to that wisdom,

"The basic idea behind the practice of slowing is this: slow down your body, slow down your life."2

For the more than 30 years Mister Roger's Neighborhood aired on PBS, the traffic light blinking yellow on his set was more than a prop—it was subtle symbolism. Fred Rogers message was clear as every frame of his daily episodes seemed to say, "Slow down. Be considerate. Be aware."3

Slow is a lifestyle choice. So why not...

• Slow your roll - ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.
• Slow your scroll - minimize your social and news media diet.
• Slow your flow - keep your own pace, not someone else's.

Slowing increases space for growing.

Rediscover

When you're trying to fill the space in your life instead of enjoying it, you'll miss meaningful moments and opportunity.

It's time to rediscover the wonder instead of forcing-filling your life with what you feel is expected of you—whatever your age.

Socrates is onto something,

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life."4

Why strive to meet someone's expectations about filling the space in your life when you can rediscover the greater essentials.

• Walk it out—rediscover the essential wonder of a daily walk.
• Observe—rediscover the essential wonder of seeing, listening, and hearing life move and evolve around you.
• Awaken early and follow each day's rhythm—rediscover the essential wonder of life between the designated sunrise and sunset.

Simplify

I'll keep this idea simple: protect your margin.

Henry David Thoreau said,

"...so simplify the problem of life, distinguish the necessary and the real."5

Problems do not need to be further complicated. To simplify is to make the distinction between what's necessary for you to deal with what's real in the sense of it's further impact on you.

• Choose your battles.
• Remain patiently neutral when a choice could create unnecessary division.
• Seek to understand before you want to be understood.

Taking the simple approach to most of what accumulates in your life, physically or emotionally, will prevent your space from being filled with complications.

It's your space to use. You've created it or earned it. So, be careful about allowing someone to question if, or how, you're filling it.

• Slow down
• Rediscover
• Simplify

Press on...

Eddie

Sources:

1-John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, pp221-222.

2-Ibid.

3-Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key, p45.

4-Greg McKeown, Essentialism, p225.

5-Ibid, p227.