145: Unloading Generational Baggage

Baggage tracks as a description given the amount of emotional weight that's often carried from one generation to the next.

Worse, your baggage forces its heavy burden, in some instances, onto the shoulders of more than one generation. And the burden often leads, unfortunately, to emotional trauma, physical and verbal abuse, addiction, lack of drive and motivation, and a general lack of purpose, growth, or the ability to mature.

For example, you'll hear 30 or 40-somethings, who are becoming more aware of their "weighty" anger issues explaining their temper away saying, "That's just the way I am...my mom or my dad were always pissed and complaining about something..."

The trend continues until they say, "No more...not on my watch!" And the baggage begins to be set aside based on a commitment to deal with generational anger issues. And anger is only one of many pieces of generational baggage that are routinely carried.

But unloading your generational baggage must go beyond a mere acknowledgment of an emotion, behavior, habit, or addiction. Help is found when the baggage— whatever form it takes—is called out, personally confronted, and diligently dropped before its weight burdens or crushes another generation.

Now that I'm a grandparent I have the gift of a 30,000 foot perspective. Call it wisdom, but also realize that if you're in the grandparent club or at a high cruising altitude given your age or experience—you have perspective that can shape your current and next generation.

Kids, especially young, pre-teens are lil' sponges. I was a sponge in my early years. But I also learned through my own individuality, those I associated with, the books I read (and still do), and my own sense of self-awareness that I had, and still have, the ability to wring out whatever saturates my sponge-like character.

I choose to not name the generational baggage you've inherited and perhaps still carry. I'll leave that to you because you're hopefully aware of it. If it helps you identify a few, I'm talking about those face in the mirror glances that slap-back saying, "Don't be an a-hole," or, "What's wrong with you? You sound like...!"

As I write this, the holidays are just around the corner and close proximity to family will likely clue you in to some of the generational stuff you've carried for years and that it's now time to confront within yourself (not someone else).

There's no time like the present to say, "The baggage stops with me!" A personal generational reckoning is the first step to generational renewal.

Be a light, not a judge

Unloading generational baggage is not an excuse or permission to unload on your family members or anyone who's had influence in your life. In fairness to those who raised you and attempted to nurture you through the years—realize they might have been doing the best they could with what (or, in your case, who) they had to work with.

You must bear some responsibility (and I'll get to that point in a moment). Now that you've been made aware of the burdensome nature of some of your generational heritage—be a light, not a judge.

Shine some light on yourself first. Once you've taken ownership of how, through the years, you've carried the emotional or physical baggage handed to you, it's time to illuminate the better portions of yourself by deciding to break whatever curse that's burdening you.

Self-awareness opens the blinds and allows the light to shine in. You'll blink a bit at first but that's okay—it's a sign of acknowledgement that begins the healing and renewal process.

It's less easy to judge your heritage when you begin to take responsibility for your own actions. No blame, but instead renewed determination to grow and change.

Passing the buck just leaves you a dollar short. Blame doesn't heal. But self-awareness, does indeed, provide you some light to see a clear path forward.

Tell yourself the truth, even if it's painful

Admit that you were hurt, perhaps still are, and hope to not be any longer. Admit it without letting the truth discourage how you live.

It's okay to identify the source of your generational baggage. The truth about those who offloaded their baggage on you can be painful while also helping to compel you to follow the truth until you reach a healing place.

It's easy to avoid the pain that comes with truth-telling. Yet, what your honesty reveals has the potential to expose your pain and bring it into the open while also creating a restorative agenda you can work on step by step.

Know this: healing is possible but truth will only set you free when you accept it without denying it's affect on you. You can own the effect and still believe that there's also available grace to soothe the wound you feel.

The combination of truth and the grace you give yourself—and others—is the perfect healing combination for generational baggage.

Believe in your potential, instead of only trusting your familiar past

You. Can. Change.

Your past victimizes you if you allow it to do so. While it's hard to say and admit, victimization is a cop-out. Playing the victim denies you the opportunity to believe in your potential.

Victimhood worships the past as an excuse to continue carrying your generational baggage as a kind of badge. But worse, doing so leaves you appearing to rely on your baggage as crutch.

It's better to walk with a limp than to deny your potential to overcome your generational burden. Belief in your potential to overcome whatever baggage weighs on you, compels you to envision a new generation free from the constraints you've grown accustomed to.

There's no perfect generation. Once you realize that, you'll be better equipped to unload the generational baggage that has kept you from experiencing the freedom that's possible with the light, truth, and potential you desire.

Press on...

Eddie